Yep, that's right. One of my buds from school, Ryan McConnachie (please don't look him up, for his own safety! When he creates a new DA account, I'll link to it!), wrote up some comments and suggestions for the Aozora's Adventure series and gave them to me today. To say the least, I'm happy that someone actually thought well enough into the series that he suggested some things I could improve on to make the series hopefully stand out much more than it already is, whatever that means.
So, let me explain, unlike what a lot of people on deviantART would assume, I don't mind criticism or take it as something negative. I know that criticism serves the purpose of helping someone improve by suggesting changes they could implement into whatever they created. But apparently, when someone is first introduced to it, usually it means the person didn't like the final outcome and is requesting changes. But in most case scenarios you'd already be too deep in progress of something or already finished it to the point where you're not willing to go back and make changes. Then there are the people that just show no interest into lending out a hand by simply stating "it sucks" without giving a proper reason why. Even if you don't like someone's artwork enough to at least give it a favorite, it would be nice to explain why exactly you do not like the art. But if it's for a pointless reason, such as "I don't like this character," then that would be the time to ignore rather than be a wuss.
But in this scenario, I can roll out the suggested changes slowly. Not right this minute since I'd have to go and edit pretty much this blog, my main blog, and the Wiki in response to the series name change. But for now, let me discuss the changes that Ryan had requested.
This is his interpretation of the series' protagonist, Aozora. It takes my initial design and adds a couple new features. First, Aozora's pilot cap is given a slight change, his blonde hair is much longer and now shoots out the front and back ends of his head, he now wears a leather jacket imprinted with his personal logo, a different belt, saggier jeans, and more exotic-looking boots, rather than the cyan shoes he wore previously. I like this.
This is the other character he drew. As you can see, this is supposed to be Joker, one of the series' main antagonists initially designed by SimirrorofShadows, but unlike with Aozora's enhancement, this one appears to take away every trait that Joker has. This one is more roudy and less calm, he looks a lot younger, and it just doesn't suit his calm personality. As a remake of Skye, this could work, but as the leader of a professional clan of assassins named after card suits, not really.
Then we came to the criticism itself. Below is a exact word-for-word transistion. Note I'm not trying to make him sound like a criminal, just wanted everyone to understand what he's saying. Again, he's not a bad dude, trust me! ;_;
- You should update the wiki with a detailed plot summery
- I can revise and assist you with your plot and characters.
- When crafting a story, give it a moral to teach. An overall central theme.
-Do NOT make this theme: "Teamwork" "Friendship" "Never Give Up" etc.
- Give your characters defining traits. For example:
- hates sexy women
- Loves his Overlordship
- Has an iconic evil laugh
- hates women
- uses things only in his "own style"
- extremely earnest
(NIS always does this)
- Consider renaming the series. Perhaps just to "Aozora"
- Lots of sexy women! I don't know how many you have planned, but you might want to give a few of them... smaller "features"
[picture of Keisha with large breasts, struggling and saying ("Rrrr...")]
Not many actual women could have breasts like that and stand up straight.
So yeah. There it is. In reply, I state the following. Again, no harm intended in any way. Remember this is my series, so I can do whatever the kcuf I want with it. If any extremely popular webcomic artist or a fan of those types of people want to complain, SU.
-Aozora's Adventure was always intended to be a collaborative effort, where people I know, plus a couple of others, designed characters to help with expanding the roster. Some of them were actually pretty well-done, while others were like "meh". The main cast of characters, Aozora, Zik, Sakaki, and Satoru, were all designed when the series just launched following the cancelation of my previous failed experiment, Super Justin. So my character-designing skills were a little shallow back then. I wouldn't mind re-designing some of these characters, or relying on others. Again, just to make sure I'm not lazy, I'm not requiring anyone here to design any characters, but it would be nice if I could get some real good artists, webcomic authors, and/or character designers. Even if I have to pay a good fine, unless it's over $50 or they don't allow me commissioning that kind of stuff.
-Same for the plot, but I'm pretty much in control of that. :P
-I never intended the series to have a theme of any kind. I just wanted the series to be created just so I could have some characters that I could call my own. Plus, now that you mention it, I would probably never have intended to have one of the three themes Ryan described. Sure I am planning to have some casual moments where the main characters attend school and stuff, but not have an entire episode/chapter focused on a "Slice of Life" story. I want the Aozora's Adventure series to be action-packed, violent, comedic, and simply interesting. Unlike Super Justin, I am not aiming to make Aozora kid-friendly, but more for teenagers and adults, which is what shonen manga and most anime not bastardized by 4kids is.
-Plus, Aozora's Adventure is somewhat supposed to be a parody/spoof/tribute to/of some of the major anime series I know of. Kind of like all those Mega Man-styled doujin games that surfaced in the late 2000's.
-Most, if not all of the characters all have their own traits, but I have never bothered to implement or write them on the Wiki. They're there, but just,.. not there. ^^; Maybe in the future.
-I am considering to rename the series just Jitsuwa. Aozora's Adventure initially started as Aozora Jitsuwa, then Zora's Adventure, then what it's known as now. Because Wikia doesn't let you change the name of your wiki in the blink of an eye and create an appropriate re-direct to the newer version, this may take a little longer than expected. Of course, I'm open to any more exotic titles, but we'll see where things go.
-The "lots of sexy women" tag-line is a staple of a good number of T/M-rated anime and video game series, which are entirely fiction and are thus, often not supposed to be realistic. And Keisha's breasts are average-sized, not oversized. Kurayami has her figure the way it is because she's supposed to be quick, swift, and powerful, sort of like a hybrid of Masane Amaha of Witchblade and Bayonetta from the game of the same name. Same goes for Britly. I can probably drop the breast size of Kurayami and, Britly by short amounts, but remember, it's fiction, so don't expect things to be realistic unless you're making a biography anime. In these cases, none of the characters can't or shouldn't really struggle or topple over with that breast size. Besides, breasts can get that big in anime and I don't see the females struggling. :|
So yea, that's a wrap. I'll discuss more about these changes and a few other tid-bits about the series in the future. If he creates an account on dA, I'll go discuss these changes in more depth. For now, get!
Oh sorry, was that rude of me? Well, What about "good bye?"